Urfi Marriage Can Sometimes be Justified
Alaa El Damaty
For thousands of years, our vision of a wedding is a big scene, with the bride wearing a long white dress, walking with her groom, surrounded by family and friends. We continue the scene by picturing them surrounded by kids in the future, growing old together. Now picture another scene. It is of a celebration of marriage, but this one involving only two people. Often, for many reasons, the couple is forced to abandon the first scene for the more clandestine one.
In order for an Islamic marriage to be valid, the marriage must meet certain conditions. There must be mutual agreement between the bride and groom, two adults who serve as witnesses must be present, and the marriage must be publicized. This last condition is usually not met in the second scene.
Nowadays, Urfi marriage has become more common. Urfi marriage meets all the conditions described above but without government involvement. Usually, when a marriage occurs, the official documents are kept as a government record. Urfi marriage totall undermines the government, and instead, the couple write a document together that makes their marriage valid.
A primary reason for those marriages is that the man or woman does not have the means to get married because of the soaring cost of marriage, and therefore have to wait for several years before they marry. In the meantime, the couple develops sexual desires. As Islam forbids premarital sex, the couple is trapped in a dilemma in which Urfi marriage is a solution. These marriages are not publicized; most of the time no one knows of the marriage but the couple. Couples who marry Urfi often meet in secret, thereby avoiding the expenses of renting an apartment and most other marriage exepenses.
The other reason behind these marriages mostly happens with couples of older age. These couples do not wish to make their marriage offical. A reason for that would be that if the man is already married and wants to get married a second time, he gets married Urfi so the marriage can be secretive. If it was validated with the government, his first wife would have to be notified, which would cause many problems for the man.
Also, a divorced or widowed lady that has children sometimes needs a man to support her but not live with her. In her case, she does not need the man to fully live with her, but needs him as protection. For her, it would be better to marry him Urfi.
While there are many reasons that may justify Urfi marriages to some, Schutz students do not think it is the right choice to take. In a survey taken by Schutz students, 90 % thought that Urfi marriages should not be an alternative. This high percentage of "no’s" in the survey can mean that the students are not fully aware of Urfi marriage because it is not commonly occuring in their societies. The high percentage can also mean that the students come from a social background where they have been taught not to accept Urfi marriage as a valid kind of marriage; even when money is not a problem, it is not of the norm for a couple to get married Urfi for any of the reasons stated above.
While some Urfi marriages cannot be justified, others can be. The most important thing is for Urfi marriage to not become a stereotype of a vice. It is still a legal Islamic marriage and can often be a license for some not to commit unlawful, unIslamic acts.
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